remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
