You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
