when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
