You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize