What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
