the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
