is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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