the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The air was thick with penises
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
