Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
