Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize