saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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