I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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