as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize