Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
