The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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