We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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