The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
