they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
