P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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