I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have fence marks all over my body
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
