I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
