i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
