Moan for me like Helen Keller
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's blow job season.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
