i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i've created a new STD.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize