if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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