just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
