My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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