I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
