and next time when you feel me up, do it right
where does the pee come out of this thing
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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