Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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