Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sarcasm needs its own font
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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