Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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