Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
