Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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