Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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