my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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