I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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