Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
