I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
