Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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