i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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