Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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