No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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