just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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