he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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