I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
