you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
