I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can Purell be used as lube?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
