At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
