yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize