nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
