just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
