whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
