Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
