Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
