Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize