wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
