Dual....:-)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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