She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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