Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
