Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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