so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
