If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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