so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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