I look better un-naked...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
