dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
