a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
