Don't make out with my wife yet
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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