Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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