This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you had me at cake vodka
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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