I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
