worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
