I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
