i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
