I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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