If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
