I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
