We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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