Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize